A simple text message followed. “I’ll tell you all about it when you get home xxx”The weekend’s work over, I got home on Sunday evening. This was a first for us but I couldn’t wait to hear her story. Brenda has always been gifted in the art of description so I knew I was in for a very special treat.Dressed only in a robe each, Brenda's only loosely on her, we settled onto the sofa, her head on my lap, looking up at me.“When we got there,” she began, “You could almost smell the atmosphere of sex as soon as you stepped through the door. Andy greeted us with his usual charm and asked who my concubine was this evening.”“Concubine!” I laughed.“I know!” laughed Brenda with me. “Poor Daniel!” she giggled. "Yes, so anyway… we left our jackets at the door and got a drink each then went for a wander. Upstairs, on the landing, we were greeted with the sight of a woman you would definitely approve of, leaning back into her husband (I think!) who was against the wall while some guy had his face. And if there is a perfect person out there - which there isn’t - would they date you? When we give up the c***dish obsession with scanning the planet for Mr. or Ms. Right, we can begin to develop the skills of compassionate relationship. We stop judging people and start relating to them instead. We recognize, first and foremost, that we’re not in a relationship to focus on how well the other person is learning their lessons, but rather to focus on learning our own.The ego defends against love, not fear. Pain in relationships can be perversely comfortable pain, in that is one we know. We’re used to it. I once heard a tape by Ram Dass, an American spiritual teacher, in which he told of seeing a newspaper article about an abused baby being taken away from his mother. As a police matron tried to take the baby, he kept struggling to remain in his mother’s arms. Although his mother was the one who beat him, she was the one he knew. He was used to her. He wanted to remain in familiar.
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